There are many times in our lives where something happens, and we
don't really know why. We may end up going a different route than we had
planned for ourselves, end up making choices we didn't originally plan on
making, or even end up getting answers to prayers that we were expecting a
completely different answer from, or may not coincide with our original plans.
My freshman year of college
(fall of 2017) I had decided that I wanted to serve a mission for the Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I was so overwhelmed with my prerequisite
classes and in a panic that I wasn't going to get into the nursing program for
the fall of 2018. I was stressed, so I wanted to turn to the only place that I
knew would help me out in life. I wanted to share the gospel with others who
hadn't yet been able to hear about it. I wanted to serve, and I'm not going to
lie, I wanted to use the time to think about my path in life and see if I was
on the right one. I prayed about going on a mission for nearly 3 months until I
went home for Christmas break. I prayed asking God to guide my decision and
asking God to help me know if serving a mission in the summer of 2018 was the
right choice for me at this time. I was studying for my biology final when I
was thinking about a mission when I received my answer. The words entered my
mind ever-so-softly, yet stern and said, "not yet". I was confused. I
sat and thought to myself, " but I want to go so bad. Why would that
be the answer?". So convincing myself that it was my mind saying that out
of fear, I prayed that night and asked Heavenly Father if the "not
yet" was the correct answer, or if it was just me thinking. My heart
warmed and I heard those distinct words yet again, "not yet".
I struggled with this,
especially when I first understood. I thought "am I not good enough to go?
Do I not know enough?". I then sat and prayed to Heavenly Father to help
me accept this answer. Eventually, I was able to. I'm not going to lie, hearing
those words was one of the hardest things that I have had to hear. I felt
inadequate to go, and then, even a year+ after receiving that confirmation, I
felt inadequate as a member of this church. Nobody had ever said anything to me
about not serving a mission, and nobody and ever made me feel inferior because of
it, but in my mind I had thought that because I didn't serve a mission, I
wasn't as good of a person as the women who went on missions. I felt inadequate
and lacking because I didn't go on a mission. But now, I am oh so grateful that
I listened to the prompting not to go, even though, at the time, it was such a
struggle.
As I have sat and pondered the
past 3 years of my life, I have realized a lot of things. In the past 3 years I
have been able to serve in various church callings, minister to so many people
around me, learn lots of lessons related to what I want in a spouse and what I
don't want and how I want to raise my family. I have learned valuable lessons
in identifying when someone needs your help and when someone just needs someone
to listen. I graduated nursing school (I ended up getting into the program for
the fall of 2018, you know, the one that I was convinced I wasn't going to get
in for), and I have been blessed with amazing friends and relationships that
will last eternity.
So, what does this have to do
with a full circle wrap-around of God's blessings? Let me tell you. If I would
have gone against that prompting, I still would have been blessed with lots of
amazing missionary experiences, but I wouldn't be anywhere close to where I'm
at right now. I wouldn't be a graduated nurse getting ready to take my national
registry test, I wouldn't have gotten as close to some of my best friends, and
I wouldn't have learned the many things that I have learned about
relationships, and I would most likely not be in the awesome relationship I'm
in now. I have had a surplus of blessings and I think that because I went
through the process of being told not yet, I was more able to focus on what was
happening in the present of my life, even though I had feelings of inadequacy,
because I knew I was doing what I was supposed to do.
To those who served missions: I
am so proud of you! That is such a courageous thing to do and you helped so
many people, I'm sure more than you even know. Missions are such amazing things
and they bring amazing blessings!
To those who haven't served missions
or aren't able to serve missions: GOD DOES NOT LOVE YOU ANY LESS! You have just
as much value in his eyes. You shouldn't feel inferior because EVERYBODY's life
path is different. Everybody has their own path in life and that involves
everybody doing different things at different ages. Not one person's path is
the same, and that's what keeps life interesting. Blessings come no matter
what, it all depends on the attitude we have.
I can say these things because
this experience is in the past. I know that in the present, things are hard and
you don't understand them when you're going through them, but eventually, in
God's timing, you will be able to understand why certain things happen and what
you can learn from your experiences. You may find out in this life, you may not
find out until the next life, but take comfort in knowing that no matter where
your path takes you, or what answer to your prayers you receive, you are of
infinite worth in the eyes of God. When you have your life planned, and
Heavenly Father takes you on a different path, put your trust in him because he
knows the whole plan and he knows eternity. You only know what is in your
present time.
I am so thankful for the lessons
I learned and the relationships I built within the past three years, and I am
so grateful that I was able to listen and heed to the promptings of the spirit
and not serve a mission. Not yet anyway. Don't be afraid to put your trust in
God and take the path that he has for you! Rely on him through prayer and
acknowledge the answers that you are given. You will be blessed as you heed the
promptings of the spirit and follow YOUR path that Heavenly Father has
envisioned for you. The best part is, when you heed the promptings and you are eventually able to look back at that decision, you will be able to see the full circle wrap-around of God's blessings, and acknowledge his hand throughout your life!
Love,
MaShayla
