Now, I know we are not the only people in our 20's that struggle with this. This age is the age of intimacy vs isolation according to Eric Erickson's stages of development (sorry nerding out a bit). This is the time where we are searching for that and it is completely normal to want a relationship or want to have someone who we can depend on and trust. We want that connection.
My friends and I often turn to this topic when it comes to discussing things in our lives. We often talk about how we love being single and doing what we want and going on spur of the moment adventures with each other, but then we always add the but... but... it would be fun to have someone that you could invite on all of those adventures, it would be fun to just call someone up and say "hey let's watch a movie" or any other thing that people like doing with their significant others.
As we have talked about this it has made us realize a few things. 1. it is completely okay to have these feelings. It is okay to want something like that, 2. It is normal for this age, so we shouldn't wonder why we're so worried about it. It's normal to think about, and 3. just because you want it doesn't mean you should let it overtake your life. It is so important to focus on what's happening in the now.
Speaking from personal experience, if you focus on what is happening right now in your life it will make you so much happier and you won't become obsessed with the idea of needing a relationship to be happy. You can focus on your friends and your loved ones and school, or your job, or whatever you may be doing in life right now. You don't have to focus on trying to get a relationship and trying to "fulfill that happiness". There is a difference between wanting that fulfillment and obsessing over it and making it your sole focus.
We have talked about it a lot and we notice that when we are super focused on wanting a relationship, it makes us feel like we aren't good enough for anyone. We have realized that we are a lot more emotional and perhaps even more temperamental when we are focusing on it. If we focus on our friends and our schooling and just let whatever happens happen with the relationship part of our life, we are much happier and we don't feel pressured under the social norm of needing to find someone.
So, here's my advice to all of us:
1. Do not let YOUR HAPPINESS depend on a relationship. Sure they're fun, but you can have plenty of fun without them. You can truly discover yourself and you can learn exactly what you want in your future spouse.
2. Focus on the things that matter right now! The things that matter in this moment. The days are passing you by and soon you will be graduating from college, moving to a new town, starting a new job or whatever else people our age do. Realize that we are only this age once and we will only have these opportunities now, so seize the moment and allow yourself to find paradise in the life you're living now. Why waste our time focusing on the future when the now is so good?
3. Be adventurous. I'm going to say it again. WE ARE ONLY THIS AGE ONCE! Go on hikes, go sky diving, go camping. Do what you want to do with the people you want to do it with. You don't need a significant other to have fun. Go with your friends. Go with your family. Just GO!
4. Lean on your friends and family when you're struggling or needing someone to turn to. Just because you don't have a significant other doesn't meant that you don't have anyone that is there for you. You have support surrounding you, you just need to recognize it and realize that you need to reach out or they may not know anything is going on (haha pointing at myself). If you need someone, tell them. They won't know unless you open up. If they don't know that's when you may feel alone, so be free and talk about things that you need comfort or support for and I guarantee you that they will love you no matter what!
Finally,
5. Be open and discover you! Now is the best time to decide who you are and what you truly want in your life. It is a great time to decide on habits and lifestyles that you want to gain, goals you want to achieve, and the kind of person you are and want to become. I have been able to grow so much these past two years at school, and that growth stops when I am focused on the wrong thing. You do you ad decide what's best for you.
Now, I know this is a lot easier said than done. Trust me. I know. The only thing I can say is don't focus on the wrong things in life. Live in the now and love the life you live. If you don't love it change it.
Love,
MaShayla
